Category: uncategorized

Thom and I will be participating in AIDS Walk San Francisco on Sunday, July 16, with some of Thom’s colleagues from UCSF. I haven’t been making a big fundraising push this time, since our last such walk was not quite a year ago in D.C., and lately my time and energy have of course been focused on my dad’s situation. In any case, if you would like to help support the work of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and other important Bay Area AIDS organizations, please consider making a contribution on my donation page. Thank you!

[Addendum (July 26): With your help I raised $465! Thom and I had a good time for a great cause, and I have a few photos from the event on Flickr. Thanks, everyone, for your support.]

After several weeks of fatigue and difficulty breathing, including a week in the hospital, my father was diagnosed yesterday with an advanced stage of lung cancer, and we were told that he has a very short time to live. I was in disbelief for a minute, because everything was so sudden, and then it sunk in: he is dying. My dad, so brave and calm, began to tell my mom and me that he hoped we were happy in life, that he tried to give me everything, that he tried to be a good father, and so forth. It was heart-breaking. Later in the day, as his breathing started to deteriorate, he was put on a ventilator, and still his condition is slowly getting worse. We’ve had several talks with the doctors and among ourselves, and today, given the impossibility of recovery, we made the difficult decision to take him off the machine tomorrow. His life will end in the same hospital where mine began twenty-nine years ago.

I’m writing this now, during a quiet moment at home, while I’m relatively composed, because I’m sure the next few days will be, well, I can only imagine. I’ve already broken down and cried several times, but from his hospital bed my dad seems to be the calm eye of the storm. His mind is still quite aware, so although he can’t talk, he nods and shakes his head or waves his hands when we talk to him.

If you believe that things happen for a reason (I don’t know if I do), you could say that there’s something in the timing of Thom’s and my move to California, that he held on until I came back home. My mom has asked why, at the age of 59, does my dad have to die. There may not be an answer. All I can say is that it’s his time.

[Addendum (July 10): My dad died peacefully on July 6. Thom has written a detailed and heartfelt post on his blog about my dad’s last days.]

Lest you think that we fell off the face of the earth (or the edge of the continent, at least), rest assured that we arrived in Daly City safe and sound on June 18. I think the one word to describe the whole move process is “exhausting,” both physically and mentally. But we all made it (including our cat, Alex), and have spent the past two weeks settlling in. I’ve started a Flickr set, mostly of photos from the road, and will be adding to it soon.

So far we’ve bought a few major appliances and have been doing minor repairs around the house. (A new Home Depot has opened at the formerly sleepy Westlake Shopping Center along with lots of other new stores.) We also bought a bed at Sleep Train in Colma, from a cute (straight) salesman who was great and totally picked up on our gay couple-ness. What else to conclude from two men shopping for one mattress? (It also reminded me of a certain New Yorker cartoon.) At one point in the conversation, he was all, “So how do you like the Bay Area? Oh, you know, the parade is this weekend!” Pride parade, that is. (Speaking of which, we watched the parade on TV, and then ventured out to check out the festival at Civic Center later that afternoon. Not bad. I got us some It’s It ice-cream sandwiches, which I probably haven’t had since high school.)

Wednesday last week (June 21) was a kind of anniversary for us; it’s the day that Thom and I first met three years ago. Aww.

Thom started his new job this past Monday, and I drove him there on the first day since he hadn’t been given an employee parking permit yet. When we arrived at his building, I resisted the temptation to wave a brown paper bag and yell, “You forgot your lunch!” like a mom on the first day at school. I’ve been slowly getting back to speed on my own work, and when our DSL connection is up, then I’ll really be back in business. (Thom sent me an article that hits a little close to home: “The Two Most Dreaded Words in Telecommuting.”) Just getting new phone service has been a slog, but we’re finally hooked up on that front. (The old rotary phone in the kitchen still works, and I’m tempted to keep it there, if only for the ring. It has actual bells. Remember those?) In any case, periodically I’ve been bringing my laptop to the local library for the free wifi. I tell you, Daly City, and Westlake in particular, have changed so much since I grew up here.

Oh, and is June over already?

CARLIN, NEV. — One day more! Our road trip from Virginia to California has taken us across the country (mostly on I-80), with overnight stops in Elkhart, Ind.; Omaha, Neb.; Laramie, Wyo.; and Carlin, Nev., where we are right now. Tomorrow is the final leg, which will get us to Daly City, Calif., hopefully by early evening. Details and photos are forthcoming, but for now, here is a photo we took earlier today at a rest stop and information center in Echo, Utah, which is surrounded by some amazing rock formations and elevated trails.

Almost there!

The past week, indeed the past month, has been crazy. Last Friday was our last day at our jobs (or in my case, my Bethesda office), yesterday the movers came and hauled most of our stuff (which is now already on its way west), and today we begin our five-day road trip across the country, on a route that will take us through Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, and finally, California.

Twelve states, 2,800 miles across America… it’s the sort-of-amazing race!

The frenzy of preparation for our move continues (sorting, shredding, packing, donating to Goodwill or the public library, etc.), but we did make time for a couple of outings in the past few days. Last Thursday, we went to see Assassins at Signature Theatre, whose cast features some familiar players, including our blog friend Stephen Gregory Smith as The Balladeer/Lee Harvey Oswald. I really enjoyed the show: strong performances, and as always at Signature, innovative staging. The show has been extended and will run through July 23 in Arlington.

Last night at the Warner Theatre we saw Kathy Griffin. Hilarious. I laughed pretty much the entire time. She talked about American Idol, Oprah, Tom Cruise, Scientology, and on and on. After the show, ushers were at the door handing out purple rubber bracelets that say “Help Kathy” and “OffTheDList.com.” I love it. Now if I wear it and people ask what charity or cause I’m supporting, I can say, “Kathy Griffin!” (By the way, being so busy we probably won’t make it to any of the gay pride events in D.C. this weekend, but given the audience last night–lots of gay men–you could say it was a pride event de facto. Boy, does she love her gays.) The next season of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List starts tomorrow, June 6, on Bravo.

We’ve been so busy preparing for the big move to the Bay Area that I haven’t had time to convey a bit of good news: I won’t have to look for a new job! A couple of weeks ago, I told my boss that I would be leaving, and then that afternoon he floated the idea of working from home. I was like, from California? Sure! So thanks to the Internet, I’ll be doing more or less the same job… just on the other side of the country. (It’s all very “knowledge economy,” as Rajani said when I told her about it.)

Speaking of the Internet, I’ve started taking an online class in copyediting from UC Berkeley Extension. The type of editing I do at work is so specialized that I thought I’d spend some time learning additional general skills, and the online format is perfect; provided I have Internet access, I can participate in the class wherever I am, even on our cross-country road trip.

In other news, Thom and I had a nice Memorial Day weekend visiting his family in Covington, Va. It was a little bittersweet, especially for his mom, who was happy for our move but sad at our going so far away. I told her that we’d get in touch more often and that Thom (and probably I as well) would be back for the holidays before you know it. One of Thom’s cousins told me, “You take care of Thom,” which I promised to do, and that made me think of Sam and Frodo. Heh, one day I’ll have to be all, “I made a promise, Mr. Thom. A promise!”

I thought I’d share a bit about where Thom and I will be living. We’re relocating to Daly City, my hometown. In fact, we will be living in the very house where I grew up. When I was in the third grade, my family moved to a different house in Daly City, but they kept the old house and had been renting it out to various tenants over the years. Fortuitously, it’s currently vacant and perfect for Thom and me to rent. (Ah, parents as landlords.)

The house (photo here by Thom) was built around 1955–judging from one of the building permits still posted in the garage–in the Westlake district of Daly City, a residential area just south of San Francisco, full of small houses mass-developed by Henry Doelger in the mid-twentieth century. When I was a kid, growing up in that house in late 1970s and early ’80s, I didn’t think of the area as anything special, but lately there’s been a resurgence in midcentury chic and I was surprised to see a story about the Doelger homes in Atomic Ranch magazine last year. Some of them clearly have modish elements (like slanted roofs and tilted front windows), while others are less distinctive. In any case, with a series of common floor plans and uniform patches of lawn, it’s very suburbia. (The Westlake section of the Daly City History website has some neat information and photos by Rob Keil, whose forthcoming book on Westlake is called Little Boxes.)

A couple of weekends ago, my parents and I took Thom on a walk-through of the house, and he took some photos, which are up on his Flickr site. (By the way, the exterior wasn’t always that color; earlier this year my mom told the painters “sky blue,” and sure enough I think it would disappear against the sky… if Daly City weren’t so foggy.) That day was the first time Thom had seen the house, and I was glad and relieved when he took a liking to it. Last night we were talking about all the yellow tile in the kitchen, and he suggested we get all yellow appliances, like a yellow toaster and so on. “And a yellow KitchenAid Artisan stand mixer?” I asked. “Do me now,” he said. Yes, I think we were meant to be together.